I have a confession... I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. It's just a culmination of all the responsibilities I have going on at this time in my life.
What I struggle with most is saying "no" to things that are very good things, great opportunities for my family to make a difference, in order to give me time to work on the things I "have" to do, like school work. It's usually a mad scramble each weekend to get homework and quizzes done that I did not have time to complete during the week, due to working and other responsibilities. Again, the guilt and stress overwhelm me, that yet again, something is taking me away from my family.
I also sometimes feel guilty for taking time out, even if it is at 5:00 or 6:00 am for a run or walk with my sisters in sweat (referred to from this point on as, SIS). However, I know that it is truly the only time that I have during the day to do it, and also it is usually the only "me" time. When I need it most, I seek comfort... Comfort to help me come through the times that overwhelm me.
The comfort I receive comes from two places. First, it comes from in knowing I am not alone. During the group walks I take with my SIS, we give each other license to share our struggles, and our triumphs. It is a great time to laugh, cry, and seek advice and support.
Support and comfort also comes from my relationship with God. As with any relationship, there is a block in place when one or both individuals involved is not being honest or forthcoming. Even though God sees and knows all that I feel on a moment by moment basis. The Bible tells us that there is healing in confessing our mistakes to our Father. Great relief is immediately felt whenever I tell God what I have been feeling. In Proverbs 28:13 we read,
"Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."
You cannot hide from God, you cannot hide the feelings of stress, unworthiness, unforgiveness, from Him. We may think we can, but we can't. In "hiding" we are only holding ourselves hostage. We need to come clean, and give Him the opportunity to take our feelings and grow and strengthen us - as it is says in Proverbs, He will give us mercy.
What feelings are you holding onto that you just cannot seem to let go of? Is there something that you need to examine more closely, some situation that you have allowed to cause you much grief and stress? Are you struggling with feeling motivation? Purpose? Forgiveness?
Whatever it is, I encourage you to make time today to confess your feelings. Write them down, say it out loud, say it in prayer. Yell it in the shower, talk to Him while you are driving alone in the car, pray silently as you run/walk....whatever time you carve out.. release the feelings you have and give God the opportunity to do a new thing in your heart today.
I am praying for you, because I have a feeling I am not the only one feeling overwhelmed.
Your Sole Searching Sister,